My Choice to Court

I've done a post on purity before, but I thought I'd do a sort of follow-up talking about courting.
Now, before you get the picture in your head of an old-fashioned couple riding around in a carriage, let me give you an accurate definition of current "courting."
Wikipedia defines courtship like this:


"Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind."

Here is my friend Mikaylah's definition of purity from her lovely blog, Beautiful Discretion: (btw, she has great things to say on her blog and I'd definitely recommend checking it out and following it!)

"If a guy is interested in you, he would have to go to your dad, and your dad would see what his intentions are, why he wants to go out with you, and if he thinks you two could have a life together... which, of course, means marriage... If the dad says yes to y'all both courting, the couple would be allowed to date in groups with no one-on-one time, unless the parents on both sides think you can positively handle being alone, and not get involved.'

While this does not cover all that courtship is, I think it sums it up pretty well for the most part. I think of "courtship" like this:


The man (note: man, not boy) interested in getting to know me would approach my father and ask his permission to get to know me better (doesn't that sound more romantic than a guy texting you and asking you if you wanna go to a movie?). If my dad says yes, we would get to know each other as friends in group settings...fun stuff like youth group outings and game nights with my family. I believe that when two people that are interested in each other, even if their intentions are pure, can get into tempting situations if they are alone. That's why I think the group setting is the best approach to the possible relationship.

Now, why have I personally chosen to court when I am older? And why am I waiting until I'm older, for that matter? Let's tackle these two questions separately...


1. Why have I chosen to court?
I believe that purity is something very important to God (check out Psalm 51:10), and I'd like to avoid any situations that could tempt me or my potential court-er to compromise our boundaries. I also believe that a man who chooses to court rather than date shows great responsibility and maturity...the fact that he will have to muster up the courage to ask my dad if he can get to know me is pretty cool. I also believe that it is good to develop a friendship with the man you want to possibly have a romantic relationship with in the future. Besides, if he's going to be your husband someday, shouldn't the two of you be best friends? And if this man could very well be your husband someday, shouldn't he get to know your family, too? Please don't be offended if you have chosen to date, but in some (not all) dating circumstances, the boyfriend and girlfriend are a "couple" just because of...

1) peer pressure
2) fun
3) just so they have a girlfriend/boyfriend

They are most likely not thinking about marriage or thinking of the other person...they may not be mature enough for a romantic relationship. And I know this is certainly not always the case, and many people choose to date and do so wisely; courting is just something I have chosen for me personally.


2. Why am I waiting until I'm older?
Although I don't know what God's going to do with my future, I'd like to wait until I'm out of college until I even consider a romantic relationship. I will be busy with school and other things, and I'd like to finish all that before considering getting married. I also believe that teens like me are too young to date...people who date at the ages of 13, 14, 15, and even 16 and 17 most likely won't be getting married. The relationship is usually just for fun or to make them feel good...nothing of eternal value. I'd also like my potential spouse to be out of college and know what he wants to do with his life so he can support a family.

So...these are my thoughts. I'm sorry if I offended you; I certainly didn't mean to. If you have anything to share, or even an opposing opinion, please feel free to comment (in love).



What do you think about courting? Are you going to date or court, or are you unsure?
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Brooke  – (April 18, 2012 at 5:47 PM)  

Wow-that is exactly how we do it here! Though we call it dating, it is defintely courting. Courting, I believe, is so much safer, smarter, and gives you less chance of getting hurt.

Nicole  – (April 18, 2012 at 6:20 PM)  

Thanks for this, Talia! I've been thinking about courting vs. dating for a while. I don't know if I will 'officially' court. I'm not sure. I would definitely appreciate a guy coming to my dad to talk about dating/courting me first - that would be pretty amazing. :) I'm not just not sure if I'm totally on board with planning for marriage by courting, you know?

Anyway, thank you again for posting this! I was glad to hear more about courting. :)

Love and blessings,
Nicole <3 John 5:24

Lou  – (April 18, 2012 at 6:35 PM)  

Well put, Talia. I definitely think that the idea of courtship is really a good idea-- especially for purity reasons and avoiding awkward-ness. I've never dated and don't plan to until I think I'm mature enough to consider getting married... however, that's not to say I haven't liked anyone before. I've messed up by liking one guy who is really more of a boy than a man, and I'm pretty sure that if I had approached things from the perspective of courtship and begin friends, spending time in a group setting it would have caused less hurt.
I really appreciate that you have thought through these things and know where you stand. Like you said, many people date for poor reasons and don't know where they stand.
I pray that God has someone amazing for you in your future, although I don't know if anyone could deserve your heart. :)

xx.
Lindsey

Molly  – (April 18, 2012 at 6:51 PM)  

Thank you for sharing you thoughts on courting =D I honestly haven't made the decision about what I want to do, after all, I am still pretty young.
I do agree that people shouldn't date when they are really young. I saw to much of those "two week" relationships, and knew they were never going to last.

~Molly~
mollyslittlecorner.blogspot.com

Godsgirlz1  – (April 19, 2012 at 7:01 AM)  

I'm not sure what I am going to be doing, but I now for sure I won't start until I'm at least 17. Great post, girl!

Kara "Klarabelle" Siert  – (April 19, 2012 at 4:34 PM)  

Thanks for this post - I love it! :) Courtship all the way!

Shelley  – (April 21, 2012 at 9:56 AM)  

I think I'm going to date because you can still do group outings and game nights with the family as well as have some alone time. I think that some alone time is important, especially if two people are considering marriage. Anyways, great post Talia and I enjoyed reading your view on courtship vs. dating! Thanks for sharing! :)

Mikaylah H.  – (April 22, 2012 at 11:45 AM)  

I L.O.V.E. THIS! This made me feel even stronger in my personal convictions about courtship! You go girl! :)

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