Genuine Excerpt

Today I was reading over a bit of my novel that I wrote during NaNoWriMo 2011, Genuine. I don't think I'm gonna publish the book or anything, but I thought I'd let y'all read a small excerpt.

Genuine Excerpt, Copyright © Talia DeAndrea 2011, 2012

HAWAII DREAMER

Subject: Book Covers and Masks

Ever heard the term, “Don't judge a book by its cover”? I don't know about you, but sometimes I pick up a book off the library shelf, see its hideous cover, and quickly place it back. But then my mother forces me to read said book for school, and it turns out to be the best book I've ever read.

I often feel like a book cover. No, I don't feel like a literal book cover, but in an allegorical sense I do. I feel like who I am on the outside – my cover – is so different from who I am on the inside – the pages. I'm the type of girl that people think they've got pinned. They think they know everything about me – they think they know who I am. But, in truth, they don't. No one does. And that's the way I want it. Because if they knew who I am and how lonely I really am, they'd try to fix it...fix me. And I don't think anyone can fix my loneliness. So why should they try, and why should I let them try?

True, I have friends. Not many, but the few I have are good friends. But sometimes they are so clueless to the fact that I wear a mask. No, the quiet, shy, not-very-smart girl they like to hang with isn't really who I am. I'm really a girl who's bursting with creativity, who's really smart, and is dying to say what she believes. But I'm scared to tell anyone that that's more me than the “me” they see and think they know. Does that make sense? I'm scared because I can never be myself around them, and they'll be disappointed in me. I'm scared of what they'll think of me. I'm scared of what I'll think of me once my “secret identity” is out. I'm scared that they'll be super angry that I lied to them for so long. I'm scared that I will feel even more “not good enough” than I do now.

I'm sorry this post is a vent-post, but I needed to get it out somewhere that's safe. And Hawaii Dreamer is about the only place that is.

**IMPORTANT NOTE: there was some confusion. Just to be clear, Gwen is a completely different person from me, and this is written from her point of view, not mine. I have the best family, friends, and GOD in the world, and I know where my worth comes from :-) (Gwen doesn't figure out where her worth comes from until later in the book). Sorry for any confusion**
What do you think? Check out my NaNoWriMo profile here.